yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
