Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
FUCK WHALES
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
