I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
