i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
