I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
