does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
