Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
