So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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