Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
