oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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