Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
