I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
