once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
