You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
operation have a gay friend backfired
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
