Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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