Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
