Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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