We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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