I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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