Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
