i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She swung at the pinata with crutches
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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