Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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