My nipple is on Facebook.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
