Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
