if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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