they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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