Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
