census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize