My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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