How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
