Do you still have your period?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
