Capitaan dildo arrescate!
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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