Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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