I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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