I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
