I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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