Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
