I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
