Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
