you guys were way drunker than both of me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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