At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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