seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
