i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
