did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Randomize
