better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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