I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Sext me about skeletons
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
