I'm so fucking centered right now
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
