you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
