My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the condom got lost in my hair
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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