32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm too high and old for this...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
