his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
