i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
