you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
