i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
