Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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