my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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