im about as happy as oj after his trial
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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