i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
