I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
