You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
