I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is wine microwaveable?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
