I'm lost and stupid without you.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
