You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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