I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
