I cannot find my penis.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
