Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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