Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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