The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
