i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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