Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
