alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
