Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
