Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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