For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
