I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize