dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
