Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
