UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
