I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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