Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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