i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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