I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
