nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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