I am in a vortex of obligation.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
