I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
