You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
ttyl tear gas
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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