she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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