so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You've changed since you got that strap on
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
