And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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