even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize