she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
