you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize