Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
