Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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