Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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