So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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