Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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