I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize