he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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