when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's the barista slut.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
