If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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