i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
