8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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