Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
